Gifts for children- simple or a minefield?
Posted by claire lochrie on Saturday, May 21, 2011
With a 5th birthday looming in my house it has started me thinking about gifts. GIfts are fun to give, as every Christmas show constantly tells us; but I am going out on a limb here and saying that I do like to give gifts and I do also like to receive them. For all that I don't expect many gifts (the last tangible, physical gift from my husband was an awesome kitchen knife and a magnetic strip 2 years ago. I am genuinely ok with this) and am truly grateful for the effort, love and thought anyone puts into gifts for myself, or my children, even if I hate the actual gift. With some people in our lives, treasured and loved, more prone to equating things with love and happiness than I, the question has arisen over the last year as to how do I teach my children that while things can be amusing, they are not the point?
I want my daughter to enjoy her birthday with total abandon, and let the sunshine that she is shine and sparkle, and be totally enriched by her birthday. In this glowing picture of the birthday there is no present table, no half hour dedcated to opening presents, no enormous pile of wrapping paper to be thrown out if I can't save it (I havent bought wrapping paper for years), nor do I have to make a mental list of how many of the flashing, beeping, deadening, plastic toys I can pass on before she even notices, and how long it will take me to get rid of the others, and the expectation that most will break and do the job for me. That is not fun for me. What an absolute waste. A waste of resources, time, money and effort that will reap very little reward. Half the presents are often toxic and totally inappropriate for a growing, developing mind.
Barbies and the like are long and loudly criticised as being totally inappropriate for children for what should be obvious reasons. Plastic pretend shops that require very little imagination and collapse as soon as anyone even slightly leans on it- yes I am talking from experience here. Dolls houses that make pre recorded and unchangable sounds, full of appliances and no warmth, and they break within 6months. What do children learn from this? Push a button and the jobs done. Whatever that job was, we never got a chance to decide or imagine because the toys only operate one way. There is no texture, no sensuality, no warmth, no imagination, no nature vibrant and alive. Just plastic of the same texture and toxins. A 'CD player' that sings in an insultingly chirpy voice that makes me think of Minnie Mouse on speed, fashing lights, and half a dozen unchanging and unchangeable songs that may have once been a nursery rhyme. Is it supposed to 'save' me from the 'burden' of singing songs to and with my children? I like to sing. I don't think I am very good, nor very bad, but in my house we sing for joy not skill, so who cares? Certainly not a 2 yr old nor a nearly 5 yr old. I am pretty sure I wouldn't get the same buzz when my child first tries to sing along to some 'CD Player' that I do when I hear this little voice rolling the words of twinkle twinkle around her mouth in the baby monotone and about half the song behind me. But we are singing songs together. It makes my heart swell with happiness and pride, and I am the one who keeps asking her to sing with me.
Many of the toys availble in chain department and toy stored are made from ecologically unsound, unethical or toxic materials. Often all 3. These toys are design for limited use and have limited capabilites. They do not encourage the use of imagination, of learning about the world around us. A child cannot learn about this beautiful world and all the wonder it contains through pictures, plastic toys let alone TV. Giving plastic animals doesn't even rate when compared to going to a petting zoo and acutally holding a baby duck. Seeing fish on the TV is no where near the same as going to the touch pool at your local aquarium, let alone river or beach. Interacting with the world, not images of it, is how our children get smarter, grounded and part of this world. I cherish a dream that my children will be so much wiser, more evolved and intelligent than me. Seeing as I am quite voracious in learning things I choose to think I am setting the bar pretty high. But I know they can do it easily, and I know I can do a lot to help them get going. This means real toys, real food, rhythms (which are hard for me, but I am learning!), quiet time, and big games. It means almost no TV when they are with me. I know the grandmothers use it occasionally as a break for them, and I understand that. It also means giving them as much of my time and attention as I possibly can. This means not getting a lot of work done, washing staying on the line for a few days and the floors are usually unmopped. It means learning how to breathe and let the frustrations go.
My eldest wanted me to show her how to draw a triangle. So we talked about how trianlges have 3 sides that join and drew it. I was not satisfied with this experience for her. It was 2 dimensional, abstract and had nothing to do with the world. So we went on a shape hunt. No pretend tiger was quite as satisfying to her as moving through the house yelling " A trianlge! Mamma I found one!! And another one! See just there!" Some her trianlges were quite clever and she saw them in a way I would not if she hadn't shown me first. We also looked for rectangles and circles, the little one joining in. We moved our bodies, we had fun, we learnt that the world is made up of shapes, their names, and different ways of seeing things. It didn't cost a cent.
We tell stories in our house. Yes, we read a lot of them too, but we also tell them. My semi dying bamboo plant suddenly becomes a forest, an play cloth draped over an upside down basket become Jack and Jills Hill. I am feeling creative so I get the branches of a tree that I cut into approx 30cm lengths and find 2 that stand up on their own. I drap another cloth over top and it's Jacks bedroom. A small cardboard box that is usually a tunnel for cars becomes Jacks bed. I get some little stones, a stick and length of orange wool and we have a little homey fire. It's got nothing to do with Jack and Jill, but I just felt like it. Jill gets a chair from a coconut husk that I saved last summer. And then I find 2 dolls of a similar size and tell the story of Jack and Jill going up their hill. I sing some of it, and embellish very slightly with words other bits. Because it's short I tell it twice. And my two little ones adore every utterance that comes out of my mouth. They are transfixed with the little scene that took me a whopping 7 min to create (I often spend longer trying to find one particular story). They sit on their cushions and listen knowing that we don't interrupt story time. We light a little candle and snuff it out at the end of the story. There is ritual, magic and lots of imagination. After the story is finished I invite them to come and pay with it. But the story scene is still special, still retains some of the magic and they are usually gentle. The last part is the packing away part which works better for some of us than others. This 15 min exercise has totally changed the energy of the house, so I try to remember it when we are all getting grumpy and annoyed with each other. It has also done amazing things for their brain. According to Joseph Chilton Pearce in Evolutions End (a very worthwhile read!) story telling- not reading but telling- gives children stimulation for language development; concentration and focus; stimulation for creating internal images which are the basis of all logical thought; it also causes nerve fields in the brain to interconnect and become permanent brain structures. Not bad for 15 min, and a creative outlet for me.
All of the story telling items formed part of a Christmas present to both children and the most expenisve thing were the second hand baskets to store them in. They received a basket of cut timber branches, bark on but smoothed, a wooden bowl with stones and rocks, and another basket of cotton squares in varying colours. I cut and smoothed the branches myself from a small tree we had to cut down, I cut and hemmed the cloths. Acutally I only hemmed some as they had a different feel to those left unhemmed. The fact that it took time and effort on my part just made the present mean more. This Christmas the big excitement were the 2 aprons I made from left over fabric, so they could have just just like mine. A couple of years ago I looked at our small home with a distinct lack of storage and dreaded the looming birthday. We didn't need more stuff. We were good for stuff. What would come in might handy was a trampoline as an energy fix for all of us. But we couldn't afford it ourselves, nor could we mention it to any particulr family member as a not so subtle hint. So we asked friends and family to please not buy a present, but to give us the money instead and as a whole we would buy this trampoline. We chose carefully and the hours spent on it have innumerable. There was no obscene waste, nothing inappropriate, nothing to try and cram into the few cupboards we have. And she got an awesome present that never would have been an option otherwise.
So this year with even less space to put stuff, and a wider and more offensive array of childrens 'toys' available I have already gotten in early and told family and the excited birthday girl that there will be one amazing present for her this year. Something that is made of excellent quality, is non toxic, ethical, local hopefully and fair traded if not, and totally appropriate for her. A gift from everyone who loves her that will enrich our lives for many years to come. Simple, loving, enriching. A true gift.
I want my daughter to enjoy her birthday with total abandon, and let the sunshine that she is shine and sparkle, and be totally enriched by her birthday. In this glowing picture of the birthday there is no present table, no half hour dedcated to opening presents, no enormous pile of wrapping paper to be thrown out if I can't save it (I havent bought wrapping paper for years), nor do I have to make a mental list of how many of the flashing, beeping, deadening, plastic toys I can pass on before she even notices, and how long it will take me to get rid of the others, and the expectation that most will break and do the job for me. That is not fun for me. What an absolute waste. A waste of resources, time, money and effort that will reap very little reward. Half the presents are often toxic and totally inappropriate for a growing, developing mind.
Barbies and the like are long and loudly criticised as being totally inappropriate for children for what should be obvious reasons. Plastic pretend shops that require very little imagination and collapse as soon as anyone even slightly leans on it- yes I am talking from experience here. Dolls houses that make pre recorded and unchangable sounds, full of appliances and no warmth, and they break within 6months. What do children learn from this? Push a button and the jobs done. Whatever that job was, we never got a chance to decide or imagine because the toys only operate one way. There is no texture, no sensuality, no warmth, no imagination, no nature vibrant and alive. Just plastic of the same texture and toxins. A 'CD player' that sings in an insultingly chirpy voice that makes me think of Minnie Mouse on speed, fashing lights, and half a dozen unchanging and unchangeable songs that may have once been a nursery rhyme. Is it supposed to 'save' me from the 'burden' of singing songs to and with my children? I like to sing. I don't think I am very good, nor very bad, but in my house we sing for joy not skill, so who cares? Certainly not a 2 yr old nor a nearly 5 yr old. I am pretty sure I wouldn't get the same buzz when my child first tries to sing along to some 'CD Player' that I do when I hear this little voice rolling the words of twinkle twinkle around her mouth in the baby monotone and about half the song behind me. But we are singing songs together. It makes my heart swell with happiness and pride, and I am the one who keeps asking her to sing with me.
Many of the toys availble in chain department and toy stored are made from ecologically unsound, unethical or toxic materials. Often all 3. These toys are design for limited use and have limited capabilites. They do not encourage the use of imagination, of learning about the world around us. A child cannot learn about this beautiful world and all the wonder it contains through pictures, plastic toys let alone TV. Giving plastic animals doesn't even rate when compared to going to a petting zoo and acutally holding a baby duck. Seeing fish on the TV is no where near the same as going to the touch pool at your local aquarium, let alone river or beach. Interacting with the world, not images of it, is how our children get smarter, grounded and part of this world. I cherish a dream that my children will be so much wiser, more evolved and intelligent than me. Seeing as I am quite voracious in learning things I choose to think I am setting the bar pretty high. But I know they can do it easily, and I know I can do a lot to help them get going. This means real toys, real food, rhythms (which are hard for me, but I am learning!), quiet time, and big games. It means almost no TV when they are with me. I know the grandmothers use it occasionally as a break for them, and I understand that. It also means giving them as much of my time and attention as I possibly can. This means not getting a lot of work done, washing staying on the line for a few days and the floors are usually unmopped. It means learning how to breathe and let the frustrations go.
My eldest wanted me to show her how to draw a triangle. So we talked about how trianlges have 3 sides that join and drew it. I was not satisfied with this experience for her. It was 2 dimensional, abstract and had nothing to do with the world. So we went on a shape hunt. No pretend tiger was quite as satisfying to her as moving through the house yelling " A trianlge! Mamma I found one!! And another one! See just there!" Some her trianlges were quite clever and she saw them in a way I would not if she hadn't shown me first. We also looked for rectangles and circles, the little one joining in. We moved our bodies, we had fun, we learnt that the world is made up of shapes, their names, and different ways of seeing things. It didn't cost a cent.
We tell stories in our house. Yes, we read a lot of them too, but we also tell them. My semi dying bamboo plant suddenly becomes a forest, an play cloth draped over an upside down basket become Jack and Jills Hill. I am feeling creative so I get the branches of a tree that I cut into approx 30cm lengths and find 2 that stand up on their own. I drap another cloth over top and it's Jacks bedroom. A small cardboard box that is usually a tunnel for cars becomes Jacks bed. I get some little stones, a stick and length of orange wool and we have a little homey fire. It's got nothing to do with Jack and Jill, but I just felt like it. Jill gets a chair from a coconut husk that I saved last summer. And then I find 2 dolls of a similar size and tell the story of Jack and Jill going up their hill. I sing some of it, and embellish very slightly with words other bits. Because it's short I tell it twice. And my two little ones adore every utterance that comes out of my mouth. They are transfixed with the little scene that took me a whopping 7 min to create (I often spend longer trying to find one particular story). They sit on their cushions and listen knowing that we don't interrupt story time. We light a little candle and snuff it out at the end of the story. There is ritual, magic and lots of imagination. After the story is finished I invite them to come and pay with it. But the story scene is still special, still retains some of the magic and they are usually gentle. The last part is the packing away part which works better for some of us than others. This 15 min exercise has totally changed the energy of the house, so I try to remember it when we are all getting grumpy and annoyed with each other. It has also done amazing things for their brain. According to Joseph Chilton Pearce in Evolutions End (a very worthwhile read!) story telling- not reading but telling- gives children stimulation for language development; concentration and focus; stimulation for creating internal images which are the basis of all logical thought; it also causes nerve fields in the brain to interconnect and become permanent brain structures. Not bad for 15 min, and a creative outlet for me.
All of the story telling items formed part of a Christmas present to both children and the most expenisve thing were the second hand baskets to store them in. They received a basket of cut timber branches, bark on but smoothed, a wooden bowl with stones and rocks, and another basket of cotton squares in varying colours. I cut and smoothed the branches myself from a small tree we had to cut down, I cut and hemmed the cloths. Acutally I only hemmed some as they had a different feel to those left unhemmed. The fact that it took time and effort on my part just made the present mean more. This Christmas the big excitement were the 2 aprons I made from left over fabric, so they could have just just like mine. A couple of years ago I looked at our small home with a distinct lack of storage and dreaded the looming birthday. We didn't need more stuff. We were good for stuff. What would come in might handy was a trampoline as an energy fix for all of us. But we couldn't afford it ourselves, nor could we mention it to any particulr family member as a not so subtle hint. So we asked friends and family to please not buy a present, but to give us the money instead and as a whole we would buy this trampoline. We chose carefully and the hours spent on it have innumerable. There was no obscene waste, nothing inappropriate, nothing to try and cram into the few cupboards we have. And she got an awesome present that never would have been an option otherwise.
So this year with even less space to put stuff, and a wider and more offensive array of childrens 'toys' available I have already gotten in early and told family and the excited birthday girl that there will be one amazing present for her this year. Something that is made of excellent quality, is non toxic, ethical, local hopefully and fair traded if not, and totally appropriate for her. A gift from everyone who loves her that will enrich our lives for many years to come. Simple, loving, enriching. A true gift.
Tags: "gifts for young children" storytelling "eco gifts" "sustainable gifts" "toys for children"
