I love having my children up on my back, or front, or hip. I really do. It's so much easier to talk with them than trying to yell over the traffic when walking, and it's nice to be close. Today I took both girls to see a play of Three Billy Goats Gruff at my local library, and on the way home my youngest was tired and hungry, but mostly she had just had enough of being in the pram. I was more than happy when she nodded yes to coming up on Mammas back. It wasn't exactly what she was hoping for but I didn't feel like having a 20 mnth old on my front, feeding while pushing a sleeping 4 yr old in a pram uphill. Up she went, with my loose cardigan around both us to keep the cool evening breeze off and away we went. After little while,  these chubby little hands patted my shoulders and hugged my neck. Then she decided she would give Mamma a massage, which I think is a fair trade. I couldn't help but think to myself that I would have missed this special moment, and many others like it, if I didn't have my wrap. Especially with more than one child to nurture and love, it can be difficult to find moments of just one on one time when everyone is happy. Often it's a quick cuddle for a squished finger, or doll snatching and away we go to get breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack ready, or packing bags to go out and so on. 

I have found it difficult to be as available to my children this last year as I would like to be. Rushing here, dashing there, get this sorted and then running late for that. It's a little bit silly, and I do find that the girls are carted around a bit and that bed time can't come soon enough some days. However I am taking stock of things and slowing down a bit, I even got to do some gardening today! I have been using my wrap more and more and my youngest is happier for it. She was born with Spina Bifida so walking is an extra challenge for her, though she is giving it a red hot go! Consequently I carry her more than most children her age, and it's a nice way to connect and she loves horsey games on my back.

 We buried her placenta today, just my youngest and I. At first I thought I should wait for my husband and eldest to join us and make it a family thing. As I mused over it, I realised that I could make it a two step process and very reflective of pregnancy and birth. During the pregnancy it was just the two of us, and then she was born into our family. It seems a fitting ritual to me. I also realised that all the business of her birthing is settled now. There is no longer anything unfinished or lingering, everything is in its place and that's ok. As her birth was polar opposite to our plans, this has taken some time to achieve. So I dug the hole and as I put the placenta in the hole said some words of recognition and thanks. What was really lovely was that my youngest came over, and wanted to know what I was doing and helped my put the earth back over it until we were ready to plant as a family on the weekend. We bought a peach tree for her, she is such a little peach. My eldest has a rose, which is also very apt. Beauty, sweetness, very high satisfaction and rewarding but at a price! 

I also wish to welcome a lovely little girl who was born at home, 4.4kg in the water, as a vaginal birth after caesarean (VBAC). She was born on the weekend to a good friend and I wish them all much love and happiness with their 3 beautiful children.