Gratitude
October 10, 2011Recently I had the great privilege of attending a documentary screening of “ Guerrilla Midwife”, to which Robin Lim attended and spoke. Apart from deep respect for this womans abilities, determination and the love she gives to all, I really resonated with one thing she said in the documentary in particular (not verbatim quote) “My religion is gratitude”. I really hear that and do my best to be grateful every single day. This is something I have been consciously choosing since the start of this year, and I have found a lot of peace from it. Yes this year has been hard, but rather than resenting what is beyond my control or the ‘help’ that is not entirely helpful, I have chosen to see more than an event on its face value. I choose to pull it apart, see what I am thankful for and focus on that. When that is difficult, I look deeper still. I choose to see what positive follow on effects and reason the event may have and at least understand, if not appreciate that. For example when my youngest was admitted to hospital earlier this year and we stayed for a week with IV antibiotics, after me anticipating a 2-4 hour stay in the emergency dept for some oral antibiotics, I decided not to be upset that her wound from a surgery 3 weeks earlier became infected and was very slow to heal. I did get frustrated that I saw the sun twice in those 7 days and the food was absolutely abysmal to the point where my daughter stopped eating, so I chose to be very thankful my husband is a good cook and brought us food in every day! I also chose to trust that there was another reason why her wound got infected with such a low grade, common infection and took us out of our normal world, into a totally different one. I chose to believe that perhaps in some way we were able to help other people there find some balance and acceptance. It was also very interesting that our wonderful nurse who cared for my daughter before and after her surgery, and 5 of the days during the second admission, had married a very good friend of mine from school. We had not seen each other in many years, so it was lovely to catch up with her after so long. It meant that the Winter Festival at our school was even more poignant as I broke us out of the hospital to go to it. Nothing is ever single layered. More than anything else I chose to be very grateful that when my child was sick and needed help, it was given. No worries about money, insurance, or anything. Only what was needed to support our family, and help her back to full health. I am deeply grateful for this, and have been ever since she was born with Spina Bifida and needed 3 surgeries by 3weeks of age.
Gratitude doesn’t only apply to ‘big’ situations. I actually find it harder, and more necessary in the ‘smaller’ everyday situations where I am likely to be irritated and grumpy. For example as I write this, my youngest has come in and eaten half the chickpea salad I made myself and was looking forward to gobbling in secret, I cannot even count the number of times she has interrupted me to help her cut some felt, thread, pin her sewing together etc. I do not like being interrupted when trying to organise and write down my thoughts, when I am focused on a task and wish to see it completed. So I find it quite funny that I am writing about gratitude and how it can help me keep my cool, and the very scenario where I most often get cranky has arisen. So, whilst chuckling about creating this exact scenario, I have chosen to be grateful to this little girl of light in my life who is so accommodating about showing me the lessons in a way that I am most likely to appreciate them. I also choose to be thankful that she wishes to spend time with me, and finds me a good enough role model that she wants to sit in my sewing chair and make dolls like I do. Sometimes I struggle with it and my husband reminds me ‘at least they like to be with you’. But, truth tell, I don’t always hear it. Sometimes I just want to be grumpy it seems. It is not easy in these times to be grateful, because you have to choose it, have to want to be appreciative.
I do not have the calmest of temperaments, although it is only my eldest daughter who really brings out the inner shrieking-fishwife in me. She is my hard lesson is chilling out and letting it go. There are days that the only way to get through the day is to constantly repeat to myself “I can do this. I want to do this.” On those days I find cultivating gratitude tough. And yet sometimes there is just a moment of things clicking into place, the girls smiling at me, the sun coming from behind the clouds and lighting the kitchen differently, something, and I feel it. Just underneath all the surface muck, there it is- Gratitude. Contentment. If I can relax long enough on hard days, there is even Joy. And if it is only there for a moment on a hard day, that’s ok. I have learnt, somehow through gratitude that the best I can do is the best I can offer, and that’s just fine. As long as I am offering myself and my family my best, not wussing out because I can’t be bothered. Some days my best is pretty awesome, and other days my best is, well, not so much. I also am striving to keep making my best even better and more consistent and I am proud of doing this. Cultivating gratitude for other people and our world seems to have had the happy side effect of being grateful to myself as well. I like living with me much better lately, and that’s got to be a good thing for everyone in the house, surely?
It all sounds sweet and easy written on a blog post once, but how does one go about it? Start with something simple- if there are lots of flies outside, then I would be grateful they weren’t in the house. If there were 2 flies in the house, thanks be there aren’t more! If you find yourself getting irritated and short tempered because something isn’t going your way, look for something that is, or at least see that it could be worse. Spilt dessert all over the floor (yes I have!)? At least it wasn’t dinner too. After a while when things don’t get under your skin so much, take a look around and see how beautiful this world is. Driving home in peak hour traffic, and still waiting for the lights to change? Look out the window to the median strip or footpath. What do you see- weeds or flowers? Weeds can have beautiful flowers too. No plants? What about some interesting buildings? Nothing particularly appealing there? What colour is the sky today? Is it light blue all over, or is the sun setting, or is it overcast and looming rain? I always make a point of welcoming the rain, but then I have lived most of my life on the edge of one desert or another. There is beauty everywhere, but sometimes it doesn’t smack you in the face, you have to look for it. Gratitude too. Once you get the hang of it you will only have to remind yourself sometimes to look for it.
Gratitutde can make a lot of small, subtle differences in the way you see things and therefore act, which has to make this world a little bit brighter for us all.
Please also visit CNN Heroes 2011 and vote for Robin Lim, to help keep her vital work going. http://edition.cnn.com/SPECIALS/cnn.heroes/archive11/robin.lim.html or
Posted by claire lochrie.
